up and down, left and right

i would stand up on my own feet again if i love myself more than i love you.

its 9.00 am, and another 30 minutes later, im going to klang!!!!!

it is excited as i will be meeting my old friends in the club, well, nervous as i have not been training since i left secondary school…..

pray for me, for my teeth(carina insisted that my teeth would be broken), haha, for everything!!!

i miss someone right now!!!!

Salahkah aku
Mencintaimu
Memilikimu
Menyayangimu

Jangan paksakan kita untuk
Slalu bersama
Jangan paksakan kita untuk
Slalu mencinta

Salahkah aku
Mencintaimu
Memilikimu
Menyayangimu

Bila kita harus berpisah, sudah
Biarkan ini semua berakhir, sudah
Cinta memang tak harus miliki

***************

is it wrong that i love you? is it wrong that i get jeolous? is it wrong that ….

i cant stop my mind from stop thinking, cant stop listening to those annoying thoughts that come out from nowhere but my heart. I hate that i dont trust you.

all i can do is to blame myself, for all that happened. maybe when i no longer here, things would be better for you and everyone and i might … happy?

i would feel better if you scold me, shout at me rather than silence.

sampai bilakah kita akan begini? permainan yang sepatutnya mengembirakan, menghairahkan menjadi beban yang berat and susah dipikul?

perpisahan sememangnya menyedihkan, memilukan dan menyayat hati, tapi sampai bilakah kamu harus memikul saya yang menyeksakan, membencikan?

saya tak rela, saya tak enggan lepaskan, tetapi demi kamu, saya perlu supaya kamu dapat mencari kebahagiaan kamu, jikalau kamu gembira, saya akan restukan dan turut menumpang kegembiraan kamu. usah hiraukan perasaan saya, masalah saya kerana saya sudah dewasa dan saya perlu berdiri di atas kaki saya semula. saya telah melalui pengalaman yang perit dan susah, tak susah untuk saya melaluinya sekali lagi, apakah perpisahan itu untuk saya?

saya masih cintai kamu.

this sem is really a tiring sem..promised to myself that i want to score better than previous one, so im determined not to study at the very last minute. but well……
its the ending of 3rd week, and believe me, i’ve not touch any of my books yet. thats add another sad face.

as you all know, my eyes are single-eyelid and they would turn double when im cry or tired or lack of sleep. its really rare that both my eyes become double eyelid, but today i woke up with double eyelid on both my eyes @@.

things are not getting on hand recently and i am mad at myself because i still cant get rid off my super high level of jealousy, and super low self esteem. :(:(:(

i’ve been telling myself to be proud of who i am, despite the look and appearance i have, i must be proud and happy. ok.
i’ve been telling myself to not be a burden of the other people, i must stand on my own foot and be independent! ok.

i realize something, UTP is really not a good place coz whenever im here, i feel very stressed out and emotional. maybe the feeling of being kept isn’t good. or maybe here has a lot of negative karma….

hehe.