up and down, left and right

i remembered myself complaining about,"wah, my parents never check my homework one, i do it all by myself. my parents never ask for my exam one, i just do my own. hmm, so nice your parents teach you to write and read when u were younger and check your homeworks and grades."

now, he starts to concern about my finals and i tend to freak out. what was in his mind, when he called me? what did he want?  i am afraid to answer his phone in fact.

:\

"birds of the same feather will flocks together?"

i hope that that isn’t true to appy in the relationship among my friends. why?

some people said that in a group of friends, they tend to have the same similiarity that clicks them together, either in the positive, negative, direct or indirect.

i’ve been going through like hell, struggling in between the family conflicts. now, it is getting better, even though not the ending that everyone wants.

my best friend’s dad has got some heart problem, which might requires a lot of money if surgery is to be taken place.

she is now in UK, earning some money before University starts. she is at the midpoint, which is very hard to decide, whether to stay earning money to support any financial problem which might or might not occur, or come back to msia and wait for the Uni starts.

i wonder why do my close-circle of friends need to go through such a tough decision in our life. we are only Twenty, and life is still long to go.

yeah, we are growing older each day, that we need to face Real Problems. no more cycling around, finding for short coconut trees to pluck the coconuts and drink them. no more riding motorbikes in the rain and shout each other’s crush names loud. no more playing basketball at 2 pm. no more.

i just want to pray hard so that everyone is living peacefully, without much changes in their lives. Boring, it might be, but i think it should be a happy ending instead of struglling and finding the best decision and spot to hit into.

Enjoy and appreciate, every seconds. Don’t ruin it or make drastic decision that make huge impacts to the people who are affected. may God bless all. take care~

apart of being sad due to my laptop, im on SAD mode until this friday.
SYSTEM ANALYSIS AND DESIGN, (SAD) in short, see, before u have to study, u already get upset upon hearing the abbreviation of the subject. aiyo, so sad la, to study the SAD subject, sad, sad, sad.
haha
next time, try to think of the title of the books that can make students feel HAPPY? FOOD? ICE-CREAM? RIBENA? HONEY, LOVE-ME. see, if your book’s title is LOVE-ME, wouldnt you will be more enthusiastic in growing fond in reading it?yea, im in LOVE-ME mode, instead of SAD mode.
yeah.:)
another crap entry, haha…
what to do, roomate not here, away for lunch, so got chance to use hers a while. haha,
yeah, carina, you are so CUTE. (to answer your question yday) hahaha.

GOOD LUCK FOR MORAL PEOPLE, who are not morally behaved, for the paper later. people say, if u score an A for your moral, you are not a moral person as u memorized the facts,
those who didnt score an A for your moral, they are more morally behaved as you are true to yourself.
so?
i am half-half, coz i scored an B for moral last sem. FAIR, no need to be in dilemma, whether to be morally behaved only in exams or 100%morally behaved besides exam. haha.
yala, blur la. as i said, CRAP.

everyone has attitude right? yealah, attitude, get mad, pissed off, happy and sad.

i am sad and disappointed because my laptop got mad and was pissed off at me since yesterday, before the the very first paper of my FINALS. all my notes and documents were still inside.

You tell me, how am i going to score?

"actually, you can score 4flat this sem, no laptop, no movies, no chatting, no online, no surfing, no distraction!!!" - carina, roomate

HEY, how about my notes????????

luckily, i got this beautiful, pretty, kind-hearted, polite, cute, innocent rOomatE… for letting me use her cute, whitey, big screen laptop for education and online purposes. haha (need to "satay" a bit la….)

tell me what happens to my screen? why does it blinks blinks blinks non stop?

lastly, any laptop for free?

i told myself, give him a call tomorrow when you wake up. i think he would sure be suprised and delighted upon receiving a call from his daughter.

i was awaken by the nightmares. it was one p.m. normally i would continue on sleeping, but not this time. i straight away jump off my bed.

i was trying to recall back the previous night, when my eyes still widely open at 5 in the morning. i never know why i can’t sleep, until now. it was the damn teh ais in mamak. don’t you all know that i can’t drink tea or coffee before i sleep? normal people need 8 hours to digest them, but i need more than that. weird.

back to the recalling session. i remembered, the prayers that i prayed and the phone call.

i told God, please show me the right path in my dream, please.
but, i got a damn nightmares, what did that suppose to mean? when i say nightmares, it is NIGHTMARES!!! it involved my uni friends, you wouldn’t want to know, i tell you.

ohya, the phone call. i have no courage, as i afraid it turned out exactly what i don’t want it to be.i thought he would be missing me, and he must be wondering why couldn’t he get through me all these while, ( i really wished he did call me ). all i was picturing last night was a normal chat, like, "how are you? have you eaten? the car got "char siao" (problem) or not? … and i will always want to tell him that i changed the car’s tyre and it took me 85rm. i want to ask him too, "the price reasonable or not? i got kena tipu?"… and the caring session would be taken place….

i told myself, just do it. why are you so scared?

i grabbed my phone and started to dial the number, the number that i can dialled with my eyes closed, memorized it since i was in primary school. i can still remember his ever first phone number -010-5532537

me : hello?
him : hello. who?
me : ba,this is my new number.
him : who is this?
me : sheateng.
long pause. i overheard the background. there was a chinese song played. i heard it before, an old song but doesnt has any sentimental values to anyone of us.
him : hamisuuuu?? (relunctant and boosy)
me : nothing. (i wanted to ask if he has eaten or not)
i can’t remember if we did say goodbye or not. i was too upset and disappointed. see, shouldn’t have called him.

:’(

i was always wondering, where will this road lead me to?

and i have uncertain answer for myself, as my thoughts would always be negative before this.

- will this path lead him unhappiness?
- will this path isn’t the correct one?

i’ve always see myself as someone who is very pathetic and weak. i might be quiet person now and talk lesser to friends, because i don’t know what to say and how to face them.

today, a friend of mine, Chong Kian, made me realized the principle of life.

he told me, that road will lead to a junction. at the junction, you would need to choose a way to walk. even if you’ve choose the road that is the most appropriate, you would always tend to ask, "is this the right path that i took? help me, i don’t know what to do." whenever you come to an obstacle.

Human are full of obstacles in their lives. for some people, the obstacles might come in phases and thet have time to take care off one by one, but for some other people, the obstacles come without notice like a hurricane and left that particular people in a real MESS. for some other people, the obstacles might had happened even before they were borned to this world, those who are really living in damn comfort zone.

we know which group of people we are living in. think of the ways to face it and fix it. don’t run away, it might make it worse.

TO PLANT A SWEET AND FRUITFUL FRUIT TREE = HUGE EFFORT + HUGE SACRIFICE + HUGE PATIENT + TIME.

"whenever you think that life is unfair, think of those who really suffer and do not have much hope, then think again how lucky you are" - this is the horoscope thingy on monday, from maxis. (although it is only meant for taurus people, but i find it quite meaningful and i want to share it with you all)

"this road will lead to my happiness, definitely.. hope you would feel it too.

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.
- thats the reason why i don’t say a word when i am thinking.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.
- i dont fight back as i am not thinking of points to shot back, just want to identify the whole scenario.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyesful of question,
She is wondering how long will you be around.
- i asked you to look at me, as i try to find the answer, yet wondering how long will you be here.

When a GIRL answers "i’m fine" after a few second
She is not at all fine.
- all the times, but that is the only answer that i can give to assure you that everything is fine, so you are not stressed.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.
- i looked into your eyes, wondering if you make the right decision, as i want it very much, but at the same time, i dont want you to be hurt.

When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it.
- i love you.

When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than her.
-

i was sitting on the floor by the pond, near the main gate of UTP. it was 725pm and the scene was so great. cool wind blows through your face, it was good and relaxing. i was there to rest my mind. the sunset view was good.

of course, it would be better if there is someone there too, to share the good things with. but i was not alone.

one big diamond was shining brightly high above the sky greeting me. i close my eyes and make a wish.

soon, another smaller diamond shines through the thick dark blue clouds and say hi. again, i shut my eyes and make a wish.

another diamond greets me. of coz i make another wish.

GOD wants to tell me that i am not alone all the time. during day, SUN will always there to shine y way and at night, beautiful STARS will blinks and it makes my night perfect together with the handsome MOON, that changes the shape according to the dates.

i am greedy. i remained there and waiting for more stars to shine so that i can make more wishes. a few minutes later, one by one shines through the dark night and blinks beautifully. handsome moon wasnt there yet when i leave the place.

the wishes that i made not solely for my own sake, i wished for everyone.

before i left, i gave them a flying kiss. haha, dun worry, they won’t be polluted. they gave me hope, strength and love, and in return i gave them my love too. LOVE is to give and take so only it is balance. i promised them i will try my best to be there tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and days ahead to greet them shining brightly.

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